Leaning into unknown
Hey there, welcome to another edition of my uncharted thoughts (pun intended xD)
You know I was twelve-year-old in my grandparent's house when I first came across one of the greatest stories of mountaineering. There were books everywhere in the house. My grandfather had not tried to organise them, so very different books found themselves neighbours. One night, unable to sleep, I came to his room for something to read. From a long pile of books lying stacked on their sides, I pulled one, like a brick from the wall, Annapurna - the first conquest of an 8000m peak. This book has undoubtedly left the deepest impression.
I picked it up again this week, juggling between the other two, ‘The Crystal Horizon - Everest first solo ascent’ and ‘Nangaparbat - the pilgrimage’. Oh boy, what a brimming week of adventures!!
There is something about the setting of these stories, the stages on which they took place, which stirs me profoundly. I am max attracted by the bleakness of the places these men got to. The human values in the stories are polarised too, right? Bravery and cowardice, the unforgiving nature of the environment sorts everything into these neat binaries. Thinking about, how I want my life to be this clear in its lines, this simple in its priorities, I am stuck between the similarities of our day to day and what these men face at the end of the world (quite literally)
Let me frame this better, say when an idea strikes, initially all you feel is extreme exhilaration.
‘How come I never thought of this before?’, you ask yourself
However, as soon as a few days go by, fear walks into the room with swag. In its leather jacket and 🕶, it makes sure you don’t notice anything else but it. Your mind gets consumed by thoughts fear attacks you with.
What do you do then? Slide back into your comfort zone?
What I have learned from these men is to have complete control of your life when you put in some work, you have to make do with the general fear of what-ifs. Last week when I was getting cold feet before my first open mic session, one of my friends told me that every time you do an exercise - without judgement and for its own sake - you will be developing instincts and confidence.
You will be encouraged. And courage is what you need to pursue life. Periodic failures will give way to small but consistent victories
Up there on stage, in a room full of 70 unknown people, I realised that boy, there is nowhere in that moment where I would rather be. I haven’t forgotten that wonderful feeling of celebrating each word that comes out of my mouth on stage.
From someone who has procrastinated his dreams for long enough, trust me whenever you face a choice, remember, as humans, we have to make interesting, amazing, the most glorious and fantastic mistakes. The mistakes here won’t cost you your life as in mountains after all, no? To be on a journey of growth is to lean into the unknown, wholeheartedly trust the process, and be ready for seemingly ceaseless annihilation and rebirth. Trust me, you can enter into unknown territory and succeed.
Most of the time, it will not make sense, but you have to keep placing one foot in front of the other, keep adding a line below each line and turn your life into the poem you want it to be.
Something to leave you with:
“... so this is for us.
This is for us who sing, write, dance, act, study, run and love
and this is for doing it even if no one will ever know
because beauty is in the act of doing it.
Not what it can lead to.
This is for the times I lose myself while writing, singing, playing
and no one is around and they will never know
but I will forever remember
and that shines brighter than any praise or fame or glory I will ever have,
and this is for you who write or play or read or sing
by yourself with the light off and the door closed
when the world is asleep and the stars are aligned
and maybe no one will ever hear it
or read your words
or know your thoughts
but it doesn’t make it less glorious.
It makes it ethereal. Mysterious.
Infinite.
For it belongs to you and whatever God or spirit you believe in
and only you can decide how much it meant
and means
and will forever mean
and other people will experience it too
through you.
Through your spirit. Through the way you talk.
Through the way you walk and love and laugh and care
and I never meant to write this long
but what I want to say is:
Don’t try to present your art by making other people read or hear or see or touch it; make them feel it. Wear your art like your heart on your sleeve and keep it alive by making people feel a little better. Feel a little lighter. Create art for yourself to become yourself
and let your very existence be your song, your poem, your story.
Let your very identity be your book.
Let the way people say your name sound like the sweetest melody.
So go create. Take photographs in the wood, run alone in the rain and sing your heart out high up on a mountain
where no one will ever hear
and your very existence will be the most hypnotising scar.
Make your life be your art
and you will never be forgotten.”
~ C.E
So, I am sure you have had similar experiences. Tell me. Write to me about what made you take that leap of faith. I would love to know.
Goodness to walk away with from Uncharted Thought:
I hope you have a lovely Sunday! Until next time,
Love, light and hope...
Abhishek